Empowerment

I promised a list. Today I sat down and Wrote it. I wrote it on company paper. I Bolded the title " What I Envision"… ( Actually I spelt it Invision… Take that dyslexia!!!)


I looked at it once. I looked at it twice. I took a deep breath. Got up made coffee. Came back. Continued writing. Got up made more coffee. Then realized that 98% of things that I envision will only happen through my own hard work and dedication. 98% is not dependent on Luck or any other magical happenings, just on pure commitment and vision. The difficulty in all of that is conquering myself and my emotional roller coaster. I need to master my response to emotional conflicts in order to create a more positive outcome.

The life I want is within reach. I just have to stay focused.

Arg Need to pee again!

.... like really badly but i also just wanna write.... dont know which one will win... most likely the the bathroom. But anyhow i will begin and do this in two installments.

I have currently been thinking about my inner self more often these past few days. Instead of concentrating of how the world views me, I focus on how I view the world. What is it that makes us tick, why does the sunrise and the birds chirp? Why am I the way I am? What do I believe in? Why do I believe it? Do I follow my belief?  So many questions. I feel like I might have to choose a sunny day and take the day off to sit in the park and ponder my existence on this planet we call Earth.

... okay basic instinct winning over... gotta run...

Untitled

Sorry, I’ve been sick and Busy.
I kind of want to take this time to do an ahhh sound! Much better. Back to work today. Spring in the air. New road ahead. God i miss work. Is that pathetic? I think not. Just a bit overwhelming. I was having a conversation with my boyfriend yesterday about relationships and such and we were talking about a few of my girlfriends. Then the topic came up whether men and women want the same thing from a relationship... I got an instant 'No' on the phone. So what exactly do men and women want from each other? I’ve been thinking about this all day. Any Idea? Why is there a need to fall in love? Why do we do this? I fail to be comforted by the notion that its in our DNA and based on our survival instinct of reproduction. Sorry boys that theory doesn’t cut it. In fact a lot more people are opting for the Couple life with no little rugarats. So the need to pass on ones genes must not be that strong. I also fail to be comforted by the idea that we are just lonely...I mean I have girlfriends and family that provide enough love and attention when I need it. In fact I used to be with someone and felt just as isolated as I did without him, if not more. Is it the social influences on us that dictate that we need to be with someone in order to be happy and successful?
I have no idea. Why is it that I have fallen in love? What is it exactly that makes me happy about this person and why is there this uncontrollable need to build a relationship? What is it that I want from this? What does the other person look to gain in this? Are we moving towards the same thing? Should we discuss what our motives are towards each other? Should we not? Should I take the Laisse faire approach Or more proactive

Feel like my brain may over heat... too much to think about... okay no more thinking...

Still Me or Better?

I’ve been having mixed emotions about myself lately, with all that’s been changing and going on. Trying to get a clear picture of where I’m going and what I want. Sometimes I’m blissfully content of just being in the moment and other times I cannot help but trying to map out my future. I have been feeling a bit at a loss with myself these past few weeks. I feel like at one point I was working on myself as a human being and then I just stopped. Did I reach something? Why is there this odd pause in my life? I feel like I need to sit and rest but there is so much to do so much I want. I have recently been able to come to terms with my past and instead of completely rejecting it I have started to make amends and count my blessings. I have wished my ex a happy birthday this weekend which I feel is a pivotal sign of my growth. It got me thinking about who I used to be and who I am today. I am better. So much better than I was. Is this still me then? Myself is feeling a bit apprehensive about this new me. Although this new me has been making more of an appearance for months now I just haven’t really noticed. She’s been with me the whole time I just feel like I haven’t given her the time of day. I am so much more happy waking up with her. I feel like she is learning and growing in the direction that I want. She’s definitely more courageous then I ever thought I was. She faces problems head on. Makes lists, builds plans and executes her actions almost to the T. My feelings of this new self most likely have something to do with the approach of spring but still, any progress in the positive department is still progress no matter what the driving factor is (which can also be my sweet sweet honey). Now a list of projects will follow and I am sure this new and refined me will be able to handle it, but still keep the old funny antics without the childish drama.

P.S CANADA 14 GOLD… WAY TO GO!!!