Goethe's Faust

My peace is gone,

My heart is sore;

I'll find it never

And nevermore.

To be without him,

Is like a grave;

The sweet world all

Is turned to gall.

Ah, my poor head

Is so distraught

Ah, my poor mind

Can think no thought.

My peace is gone,

My heart is sore;

I'll find it never

And nevermore.

I stand by my window,

I seek only him.

I run from my door

To be but with him.

His noble gait,

Lofty and wise;

The smile on his lips,

The force of his eyes.

In the flow of his words,

Is magical bliss.

The clasp of his hand

Ah, what bliss!

My peace is gone,

My heart is sore;

I'll find it never

And nevermore.

My heart is yearning

To be at his side,

To clasp and enfold him

And hold him tight

To love and to kiss,

To mumur and sigh,

And under his kiss 

To melt and to die! 

( 3374- 3413) 

I see you smile, you shake your head and say you understand. Unfortunately you are unable to do anything about it. " That's the way it is", you say. You pour compliments as sweet as honey, you tell me how brilliant I am. I hate YOU. Your pleasantries are nothing to me, you refuse to help without saying it. You're cowardly, stuck in this small office, surrounded by youth and you resent it. Your negativity rubs off on me, you break me down and make me cry, saying its okay you understand. But you don't. You're cruel and heartless and care about my money. Your only suggestion is that I give you more. That is what They taught you. You're never here to help me. Your eyes are deceivingly filled with pity, your smile is fake, the concern in your voice is practiced. You are part of a machine, that breaks young spirits and drives them mad.

Im Trapped

I am trapped within my own body,
Betrayed by my friend, I feel alone and scared. I look down at my paper, my results, my test and red numbers jump out at me. I see the doctors hand circle these little evil symbols, and I know there is sound. I cannot hear it though. Its all silent. I stare in disbelief. Thats not mine. Thats not me. I can't understand. I did everything right, this was only meant to be a normal check up, this wasnt supposed to happen to me. My body is suddenly not mine, unknown, its alien. All trust disappears. I am not myself. This is not me. I look up and try to find a friend, but tears flood my eyes, and I cannot ask for help. I am a prisioner in my own home, my soul is trapped in a burning building... no escape. I am being roasted alive.

Eating Healthy... AGAIN !

My Breakfast

 

Lunch

 

Dinner

YUMMY!!!!!!!!!!

Yesterdays post

Dear Readers,


I am feeling great. The sun has finally showed its face and brought some energy back into my life. Driving down the familiar roads today got me thinking how much things change and how much they stay the same. I can always count on the seasons to remind me of how spectacular life truly is. Spring is around the corner, and just this knowledge alone leaves me feeling on top of the world. I am ready for you, life. I want you. To be a part of me. I want to be a part of you. I am ready to participate instead of hide away. Oh my do you leave me oh so content. Ironically currently I am at the local starbucks, ( I am sure many bloggers have experienced this) and staring out the window, I enjoy glaring into the setting sun. How romantic eh? But am I romanced? Is life romantic? My soul is always searching for something. I am always left wanting. Hungering for more. Just more of everything. I adore this feeling of hope and I know it leaves me restless, but it also gives me strength. Strength I have long forgotten. I feel my fun , sexy, adventures self awaken from a long sleep. I feel my flirty come back. Yes I said flirty, as though it is a noun. I know that I am going to enjoy waking up in the morning more. I am going to look forward to more things, more adventures. I am making amends with my past and forgiving myself and others for everything that needs to be forgiven. It has been a long time coming. But I am here World. I HAVE ARRIVED.

Make Me!

STOP!

Hello Transition POINT!

Yet Again.

Kay dear readers, if you have been following my life lately you'll know where im at. So much has changed in my life, so quickly. So many new views. I can hardly Recognize what I have become lately. Its almost like, Omg, who the hell is that woman in the mirror? What is she like? What does she do? What does she stand for?

Oh boy, time to get my self on track. I got 3 essays to write, one by the end of this week and a midterm worth 25% of my mark. Oh and did I mention that I have been slacking on my Bartending exam, meaning I haven't taken it yet. Like WTF? I have been procrastinating. I KNOW WHAT I WANT... but im stretching my guilty pleasure of not being responsible for a little bit. Time to get back on that horse.
Sigh, it was nice while it lasted. But honestly, I have been dealing with so much issues that I have had a few melt downs these last few weeks. And I mean giant tears streaming down my face. Especially when it comes to certain relationships. A few I have had to let go, and I mean, I have finally cut people out of my life. I haven't really done that since like grade school, and mended relationships that needed to be mended. I have even reached out to friends I haven't talked to in years and it feels great. Its finally time to keep those I like around me, and eliminate all the rest, cause honestly I have enough drama in my life and I am sick of people taking advantage of me. Enough is enough!

So now I really need to focus on the next few weeks with school and exams, and yes I have decided that I will be continuing my fashion certificate with George Brown, and yes, I am going to run my own business. And yes, I will start really writing, like publicly, finally start sending my shit to places and seeing what it can do. Its time that I stop making excuses, and finally take I have accumulated over the years and just apply it.

Hello Grown up ME ! I LOVE YOU !
JUST Note to self, PLEASE PLEASE, Don't lose the fun and crazy part. That stuff is worth its weight in gold! 

Spring Rain

Rain drops slowly start falling from the heavens, and upon reaching the ground collide with grey snow, melting it. I stand outside, face up turned to the slow drops of water and sigh. The drops, cold against my face, corrode my make-up leaving my face exposed, reminding me of the way you entered my life. Your slow and deliberate love, your patient outpouring, corroded the walls around my heart. My insurance against pain melted like the snow around me, quickly disappearing into the sewers, leaving my heart like the earth, naked. Vulnerable, yet full of promise of the green grass and flowers that would soon spring. Full of hope and laughter, my heart cleansed of the cold cover it so painstakingly accumulated over the long winter months. The rain becomes more steady beating at my face, I close my eyes. I feel its rhythmic beat in my chest. The same rhythm that only occurs when you are near. It leaves a melody so sweet, that I yearn, for more rain to fall, and when it stops, the sun will kiss my face, and like the sun you will leave your impression on my heart. And I will contently bask in and not ask why the sun rises the way it does, instead give thanks to its power, and forgive it for hiding from me for so long.

The Book of the Dead

Oh my heart which I had from mother! Oh my heart at different ages! Do not stand up as a witness against me, do not be opposed to me in the tribunal, do not be hostile to me in the presence of the keeper of balance, for you are my “ka” which was in my body, the protector who made my members strong. Go forth to the happy place toward which we speed, do not tell lies about me in the presence of the god; it is indeed well that you should hear!