GO NUTS

GO ON PEOPLE!!! GO NUTS!!!

JUST DO AND BE NUTS!!!

THAT WAY YOULL BE TRUELY ALIVE!!!

GO APE SHIT!!!

BEETS

Eat More Red Beets People! Come on they're good for You!!!

Yesterday I rediscovered my juicer ( okay... my mums juicier), and oh what fun I had. Carrot and Apple juice in one cup... Yum... and then i discovered a lonely red beet all the way at the back. I was like sure, what the heck, this can be juiced to and put in another cup. OH BOY! OH BOY. The taste not so pleasant. But out of one lonely beat I managed a half a cup of juice, and being the crazy person that doesn't waste food, I drank it ALL. YUM. For the first half of the day I was fine, for the second, I was dizzy, felt sick, and my head would not stop pounding. Felt like I was dying.  This morning I feel 110%. Better than that. So, I looked beets up online, and apparently my reaction was normal. My body was just detoxing itself. Apparently beets are extremely good for you and you should consume at least one whole red beet a week, RAW, not cooked.
Here are some of the health benefits,

• Red beets when used eaten regularly may help against certain oxidative stress-related disorders
• Beets can help in normalizing blood pressure.
• Beets helps to keep the elasticity of arteries, when consumed regularly it can help prevent varicose veins.
• The iron content of red beets, though not high but is of the finest quality that makes it a powerful cleanser and builder of blood. This is the reason why beets is very effective in treating many ailments caused by toxic environment and surrounding.
• Beet root is recommended for pregnant women because it contain folic acid that can help lower the risk of spina bifida and other neural tube defects in newborn infants.
• Beet juice helps stimulate the function of liver cells and protect the liver and bile ducts.
• Beet juice is highly alkaline which makes it effective in the treatment of acidosis.
• Drinking beets regularly can help relieve constipation.
• Beet juice and carrot juice when combined is excellent in the healing gout, kidney and gall bladder problem.
• Red beets can also help in the following problems; Headaches, toothaches, dysentery, lumbago, skin problems, menstrual problems, etc.
•  Beet root is a traditional treatment used for leukemia. Beet root contain an amino acid betaine which has an anti cancer properties. Red beet therapy, consisting of consumption of approximately two pounds of raw, mashed beets daily, has been favorably reported for cases of leukemia and tumors(includes cancer). Research also shows that beet juice can help inhibit the development of colon and stomach cancer.

But please when starting to use beets, start slow, because your body is not accustomed to it yet and like me can make you feel sick at first. Next week I will make sure to drink more water when I have beet juice. So cheers everyone, Here's to the little red root and a Healthier living.

From the Vault

Its exam Session. I have a lot of studying to do, and putting myself together so more meaningful writing will come later. But here is another little trinket from the Vault.

"Sometimes I wish that the person that lives inside of me would somehow be represented on the outside. But instead all I have is this pretty, shiny exterior that houses a multitude of dark evil thoughts. I should be hideous. I should have warts. My body should be covered by boils, pus oozing from every one of them. People should look at me and flinch. They should point, stare and whisper bad things about me, they should avoid me altogether. They should burn me at the steak and they would have if only my lowly disgusting interior shone through to the exterior. Unfortunately, I have no such luck, and instead of being avoided like the plague that I am, people seem drawn to me. As if they were enchanted. As if everything I say to them was true. As if my actions where genuine and honest. As if I really had a heart. No, creatures like me have no heart. The Thing that beats inside my chest is just for show, it is useless and defected anyway, just like my conscience. No don’t tell me any different , don’t waste your breath, I know what I am and I know what I’m not and I am not the angelic creature God sculpted out of me. Its a cruel joke on his part. Really, making something look so appealing and good but fill it with pure evil. That’s it that is all there is to it. No more. The End.

DIDO and AENEAS

Voracious Love, to what do you not drive the hearts of men? Again , she must outcry, and again, a suppliant, must plead with him, must bend her pride to love - and so not die in vain, and with some way still left untried.
( Line 566-570, Book IV. The Aeneid of Virgil. Trans. Allen Mendelbaum)

Sleep

Chilled I pull the blanket around me hoping to imprision the heat. My fruitless attempt leaves me wide awake, laying on my side facing the wall and the window. Cold. I pull the blanket higher to cover my ears, my arm extends behind me and I close my eyes. Warm arms snake around my waist, bringing me into a warm embrace. Hot air touches the back of my neck, calm spreads through out my body. My hand comes back infront of me easing its way into a large open palm, clasping it gently and allowing it to be lost within, fingers intertwined. Hearts beating in rythme, bodies melting into one another, warmth reaching our toes. Like a midnight fairy, sleep flutters over us and lulls us to sleep.

I wake with a start! Blanket still over my head, I extend my arm behind me. I slowly turn my head. Empty, not even a dent.

An aside on Motivation

Where does it go? Motivation, I mean. Sometimes, I'm headstrong like a bull running through the streets of Spain and other times I become a sloth.

Hello, MOTIVATION... COME BACK TO ME!

But to be honest, laziness plagues all of us sometimes. So its okay to be disheartened at times. Just don't let that state of affairs last for too long though otherwise you might end up waking up with more then 200 pounds on you, hairy and with bad breath. YIKES. Motivation really has to come from within, but sometimes I have all these projects and things to do that to stay motivated in certain areas of my life takes a great deal of effort on my part. I consciously have to remind myself of the reason of why I am doing what I'm doing. And if that reason doesn't seem valid then it is a sign that I shouldn't have been doing that something in the first place and need to refocus my attention on something else. I have to demand the best from myself but remember that I am not wonder woman and I cannot fly around the world in one night like Santa Clause, so scheduling and effective time management is definitely a skill that I must add to my repertoire.

So Step 1. Make a list of things that need to be done.
Step 2. Organise that list into 3 categories a) things to do right Now b) things to do in the next little while c) things to do in the future. And Viola!

But that's not the hard part. The hard part is putting where my mouth is! Its doing the things that I say that need to be done. That's where motivation comes into play. I NEED SOME! Distractions are very easy to come upon and come in various shapes and sizes. Often they seem like little things, but over time they build up and I start drowning in them. So once again how to keep motivated?

Find a few good Whys and a few good Friends that will tell you when they notice you are slacking off. Plus set time lines. Always set time lines and due dates, that way you will start holding yourself accountable and will notice progress towards your goals.

The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces- Unknown-

 

Untitled

Thump Thump Thump
I sit at my computer listening to my heart beat, my bare breasts exposed, as my towel loosened its hold on my body. I stare at the computer. Thump thump thump. I try to remember where I put my phone. Did I leave it downstairs? Do I want to get up and get it? Would this require putting on clothes? Dam phone, just ring already. Come on. Oh what a great end to a terrible day would it be, if only that little electronic box sang that sweet familiar tune. Thump Thump Thump. But no such luck. I am alone with my thoughts, no one to interrupt my solitary confinedment, no one to quicken my pulse. Staring at my computer contemplating the mammoth paper I have to write. Only the paper is not that pressing. It seems to be secondary. It does not frighten me nor bring me any pain. Just some little bug buzzing in the back of my mind. Thump Thump Thump. COME ON, RING PHONE, RING!!! WHY WON'T YOU RING? ARG! PIECE OF SHIT! I HATE YOU!
(GASP) Warm tears run down my face. ThumpThumpThumpThump Thump Thump Thump

BEST DAD AWARD!

Recently i have gone through DRAMA!

My PAPA, Being that non communicative dad that he is sometimes, has brought a smile to my face.

He Knocks and says " I didnt want to say anything before... but I Dont See why Any SMART MAN would Ever Leave you. YOURE JUST TOO PRETTY And Nice and girls like you arent easy to come upon".

I think I cried... THANKS PAPPA I LOVE YOU!

To Be or Not to Be

... That honestly is a fucking dumb question. But it comes up fairly often enough. And I am not talking about suicide people. Its the question that each of us answers everyday about the choices we make. Milk or cream, scarf or no scarf, friends or not friends, house or apartment, blonde or brunnette, marriage or no marriage, school or job, fries or salad, coke or pepsi?

After a while it gets exhausting and becomes a big deal that we start to dwell upon, it snowballs, starts rolling and ends up knocking us off course. The little questions are fairly easy to handle but the big ones just make me want to hurl sometimes. And its the craziest thing. I try to move on but my mind just keeps knit picking until it turns into an obsession and to tell you the truth... It makes me a little frightend to think that some things can have such a powerful effect on my emotions and everyday life. Its like are you Kidding me Right?

I just want the answer already! A choice that is right and makes me feel good.
LIKE REALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How the Hell AM I to figure this shit out? Where Is th OWNERS MANUAL ON MY LIFE?

Creativity...

When I was younger, I would always write. I would write every intimate detail, I would write the silliest notions that would pop into my head, poems, my criticism on newspaper articles, and my short stories. ( Never got to writing novels).

So heres a little something I wrote Once upon a time that I have recently rediscovered...Unaltered!

Something else...
...It honestly was a long time ago, and every time She tries to remember it feels like it was out of a fairy tale novel. Although He never thinks it was something special, She always thinks that it was something magical, something that the universe secretly conspired within its dark and glories belly, it was definitely something else that no one could understand but everyone wanted. No matter how often She told it, it never lost its charm and no matter how many years went by, He never lost his. Talk about a sappy romantic and you’d have Her pegged. That’s what She thought He loved about Her, Her never ending child like fantasies and teenage enthusiasm. He often called Her his little angle  and to Him, She was cute beyond belief especially when She got excited about up and coming projects that she often conjured up, but he used more adult terms in more intimate encounters. He often tired to remember Her eye colour that morning, and the peaceful smile she had on her lips. Sometimes her nose would whistle while she slept, but a very quite type of whistle. She has gotten a lot older in the past few years and He would often explore new lines on her pretty face. She’d probably freak out if She knew this, but He enjoyed tracing each line to a sad or happy memory they had shared in their life together. To him time seemed almost nothing, just something they teach in schools, it only becomes apparent to him when he compared his own face with the youthful couple in the picture frame by the bed. The couple in the picture seemed almost without a care, energetic and naive. Yet both looked like they had a secret that only the two of them knew...

My Mamma always says...

Dont say or do things when you are angry or emotional.

But Mamma, it is my emotions that drive me to create such brilliant shit. And its the same emotions that make me want to hit someone. So is it wrong if I act on them and create wonderful things and hit people that deserve it? HM? Wouldn't the world just be a more beautiful and safer place?

Road Block

Driving along down a long stretch of road, listening to music, feeling great... and than all of a sudden your tire blows or even worse you encounter a dead end! You know that feeling? The one where you're going oh SHIT! The one that you are not prepared for!

Crap Crap Crap!!! You got no monkey ranch and/or the road is not wide enough to make a  turn or back up. And if you do end up backing up, you're just praying to God that there is no one coming in behind you to give your nice little car a kiss in its behind sending you off the road. Its that feeling of; what the heck have I gotten myself into and why did I not look at the Map carefully? Why did I not see the sign 100 meters behind me where it said "Road Closure"... don't go any further!?
Oh Yeah!Because I was too busy blasting feel good music of the 80s and just being happy to be on the road! Duh! JUST GOT CAUGHT UP! Well isn't that how life is? We just get caught up in the moments only to cringe at our blindness the next moment!

ARG is all I got to say people at the moment!

Honestly... sometimes we should pay a little more attention to the road to avoid situations that make us go in reverse!

My Halloween Nightmare!

I put down the phone.

There's a shot-wound in my heart and the life is oozing out of my body... All I can do is stand there...terrified! Unable to move. Caught in the headlights, dazed and confused I try to make sense of my situation? Was I in  the wrong spot at the wrong time or was I just a caught in Fates Trap? Numb, I try to find the nearest person who would fill up the gaping hole. But no ones around. I try to stuff my fingers where my heart was pierced making my blood splatter all over the sand coloured walls. I slip and fall in the puddle before me.It makes such a mess that when they do find me, they'd assume I was shot repeatedly by a machine gun, instead of a nice little handgun. I frantically try to find the phone, to call for help but the line is dead. HELP, I scream in my mind. HELP, I try to force the word out of my mouth. I keep putting pressure on the wound but it just keeps spewing blood. Dark, Red, Sticky Blood! Then somewhere down below I hear a sound. I start making noise. Thrashing my body from side to side. I hear footsteps on the stairs, they're reaching for the door. I'm going to be saved. My mothers familiar face pops in the room.

" Hey Honey, Hows school today? How are you and the Boyfriend doing?" She smiles sweetly.

I stare at her, my body refusing to get up, refusing to to say anything, it wants me to die. It won't turn around to show her the wound, it won't ask for help. It betrays the heart that has, for so long, kept it alive, it turns sinister, basking in the glory that it won't survive. 
Mom, can't you see I'm hurt. Can't you call an ambulance. Can't you see the blood on the walls? Mom Please... Please Mom... Please look at me. Mom I am dying!

" Oh Sweetie, it looks like you're re-decorating... Okay, I am going to let you do that. But I want to see it when its all done." She says as she closes the door behind her. Leaving a faint scent of her perfume as a reminder of my momentary hope.

My blood is pouring out, there goes my strength. There goes my soul. I gasp as my eyelids grow heavy and the my arms slide down to my sides. 'So it is true' I think to myself... 'You can die of a broken heart'.

Happiness... Go Out and Find it!

Variety is the spice of Life because it is the natural enemy of adaptation!!!

Oh Man Oh Man Oh Man...

IM Back In University.... Sweaty palms, cold chills, motion sickness... Please dont pick me... Please dont Pick me... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO oooooooooooOOOOOH! Oh Good he picked the Nerdy guy sitting next to me!!! Score!!!!

Good Luck Everyone this school Year!

IN EUROPE

Hello Everyone
I have taken a long Vacation from my mind. Will start writing again next week!

GO Women GO

Ive been sick for the past few days and needed to get a prescription at the local drug store. While I was waiting for my medicine I was browsing the magazine section. Now usually I go for the fashion magazines or more of the travel magazines but THE ATLANTIC really caught my eye. The feature article was called " The End Of Men". Shock!!!

So After picking up my drugs, I rushed home to find the Version where I didnt have to pay 8$ and what do you know I found it.

I was so excited by this article, not because I dont like men ( quite the opposite I love Men ( okay.. just one in particular) but because I often feel that women are marginalized in the workforce. They have a tougher time of balancing everything. We're often having to choose between family and careers.

So raise a glass girls and enjoy the read.

The End of Men

High and Mighty.

Hello WONDER!

Okay so this has been my obsession since I was younger. I always wanted to Visit this ancient Peruvian city. 2,430 m above sea-level, a climb like no other, above tropical rain forest, really holds its allure for me. And to think that this has only been rediscovered about 100 years ago. Hello calling. This is definitely on my bucket list. I rediscovered my passion for this place a few nights ago. I don't know why I haven't made any plans to see it yet? Hello Crazy?

Anyway, this is definitely a place I want to visit with someone. MHM. You know who you are!

Any how! I have managed to sustain my running as promised. My lunch packing and healthy food eating has gotten better. I make tofu and green leafy ( don't know the name of the stuff) soup. So, In retrospect I am becoming better at sticking to my commitments. Cannot wait for my Europe trip this august. Trying to go somewhere, where it is not too hot. Cant wait to plan it. Will keep you updated.

THIS WEEKEND WAS AMAZING!

THANKS YOU!

ZEN ZEN ZEN

Sleeplessness. Honestly. One Moment I am passing out the next my brains are on fire and I cant sleep. Please dear GOD take pity and let me close my eyes ( one eye closed ). Nope not a wink. FINE ! I WILL EXHAUST MYSELF BY WRITING HERE! Life! Hello Life!  Hello 2 decades! What do you have to show for yourself? 2 pieces of furniture that i owe. CHECK. a dozen pairs of shoes. CHECK. Girlfriends that make me laugh so hard I almost pee my pants. CHECK. The Same Girlfriends that are there for me when I really need it. CHECK. My family that loves every silly dumb and obnoxious bit of me. CHECK. A Boyfriend that makes me melt. CHECK. The same Boyfriend that I feel makes me think about my future and scares me. CHECK. One who makes everything just disappear with his smile and easy going nature and awesome Personality. CHECK. One who cares about me, even though I Don't understand it. CHECK. My young restless heart. CHECK. A job that lets me have fun. CHECK. My sister that smells like My sister ( DON'T ASK... SHE SMELLS LIKE A BABY to me since she was little) CHECK.

Little Everyday details of everyday life and the people it includes. CHECK.Definitely overwhelming with so many check marks.

I LOVE it all. BUT SOMETIMES I NEED A TIME OUT. A quite room. I dream of a bathroom. MY ZEN ROOM. I would go to my ZEN room ( Maybe take my honey with me) lock it up and spend some quality time there. I would just let my heart beats vibrate against my chest and bounce of the walls. Let me breath fill my lungs and allow my body to be explored by my mind. MY ZEN ROOM. COMING SOON.

Biggest Loser

Okay so I am a sucker for success stories. Its why I dated my Ex ( baby don't kill me). Its why I got my job. Its the reason I am going back to school. But honestly, I enjoy other peoples success stories way more then I do my own sometimes.

I watched the Biggest Loser live finally tonight and WOW are these people amazing. Kind of makes me feel a bit a loser myself when I watch it and not in the I lost 100 Pounds kind of loser, but `Your such a whinny Baby Loser`.  Watching these people conquer their biggest challenge in weight loss, themselves, I felt like a moron. On a daily basis I probably get in my own way at least 3 times a day. Whether its going for a run on a daily basis, turning off the TV and doing something productive, Cleaning my room, reaching out to my friends or just making smart career moves, I just sometimes end up stalling or telling my self one more day of the easy life wouldn't really make that big of an Impact. But it does. It really Does. It Impacts my Moral. My Body. My Attitude. And my Life. When I started to watch the Biggest Loser when it first came out, I was Such a cynic. I kept saying what a dumb publicity stunt, making peoples failures in life appear on television. But now ( I`m Older ) I realised that this show is exactly the type of show that we need our children watching.( Or in my case the imaginary kid that's in my heart ( ME)).  It has all the right values in it, and by the end of the show why not make yourself a little richer if you have just aired out all your insecurities to millions of people. These people are truly vulnerable. Like really!!! I have a problem with being that mushy, helpless human being. I try to be strong all the time. I am a warrior down to the core. Fuck you World I'm taking you down. But that's not the attitude that will get me very far in life. Exposing my more soft side and letting other people in, is true strength. Strength Really Lies in being true to yourself, not in Building walls, Not in going on crusades, but in getting out of your own way and in letting yourself be you. Its about making a decision for all the right reasons and sticking to it. Its about making changes. Its about telling yourself No, Once in a while.

So tomorrow morning, I am going to get up at 5:30am and go for a run. Thanks TV land for inspiration where I thought inspiration lived no more.

Simple Foods ... And a Guilty Conscience

So, I realise I have a problem.

I don't eat breakfast or eat proper lunches! Yikes. Not for lack of trying. I am an on the go modern woman, who balances, family, friends, work and my values so I don't exactly have the time or the energy to cook for myself sometimes. I get up in the morning as late as possible in order to catch up on some extra snooze and I do not have any time to create a 2 decent meals for myself. One for Breakfast and One for Lunch. I know I should, but I can get away with grabbing whatever I can find around the office. Not always the smart way to go, but I at least it gets me through. But recently I have started to notice severe migraines if I do not eat on time, my midsections a bit blobbery and I totally feel unsatisfied with my food selections ( I need more flavour... More Oumff!)

So starting next week... I Promise to get up earlier and pack my own lunches and stuff breakfast in my mouth. Something Vegetarian.

A Toast...

Dear weekend,

I raise a glass to you for the things that I have accomplished and the things I have not.

Thank you for time with my sister. To the random laughes. Stuffing our face full of food all day. To knowing glances across the coffee table. To hugs early in the morning. To soulful conversations.

Thank you to boyfriend wonderfulness. To my thoughtful human with flowers at my door just because. To grocery shopping together. To Kraft Dinner dinner. To cuddling. To tickelisness. To warm fuzzy feelings. To date interuppting family members and wonderful boyfriend understanding.

Thank you for mommy hugs and daddy jokes.

Thank you for sunny Sunday. Fearless lawnmower manuvers.Grass stained knees. Dirt streeked face. To Bugs that come out from nowhere. Curious Robins. To blisters and muscle aches

Thank you for a Wonderful Weekend

- Happy Weekend Everyone... Hope your work week is a good one.

I wonder...

Recently, I have become smarter. Way smarter. Thank you dear boyfriend. I am slowly learning to listen to people and learn from other people’s success and failures, as per advice. Before, I used to attempt everything on my own. Never seeking advice or asking for help. Never considering that there were those that have come before me and have walked the path that I have yet to walk.

I started to wonder if I could make my troubles easier, if I could share in the moment with others. I started to search. I started to wonder. And then I had a Eureka… that’s right just like Archimedes, I jumped out of my bath… but instead of having an epiphany about volume and water displacement, I had one about happiness. I understood that I needed to research happiness and what it meant in order to find my own perfect happiness. As soon as I discovered this, strange and wondrous things started to happen. My mission started to follow me around. I discovered the book Project Happiness by Gretchen Rubin and her Website (http://www.happiness-project.com// ). I have placed it on my ‘To read list’ this year. I follow her website like there is no tomorrow. I have also discovered a wonderful blog that I just love to read on a daily basis called 1000 Awesome Things ( http://1000awesomethings.com/ ) by Neil Pasricha. For everyday he picks a tiny awesome moment like dropping your cell phone on the sidewalk and then realizing it’s totally fine or napping with someone, or finding money in your pocket and just letting us feel that great awesome feeling with that comes with it. And guess what? He’s got a book that came out this month. I cannot wait to read it. And then get my friends hooked on it. I always like those tiny details in life but this actually forces me to acknowledge that I am not the only one going through this wonderful world. It makes me feel grateful that I am alive. It makes me see my world more positively. And the more positive that I am, the happier I make other people around me. This in turn provides more positive and happy feelings until I just feel like it’s one happy loop. My mood improves. I pick less fights and I am a lot more productive. I feel like I accomplish more. My life just becomes fuller to the extent that I feel the need to share my new found super powers with everyone and anyone that I come in contact with. I have learned to bring my Sunshine Everywhere.

The Life Factor

Okay doaky,

So I realized that instead of complaining all the time, I am going to celebrate my success. And when I am faced with a problem or some type of dilemma I am going to air it out on this blog.

So here are the following things that have been on my mind recently and things I have to balance.
Relationships
Vegan eating/ Healthy and more environmentally friendly eating
Financial Planning
Physical well being
School/Career
Community Involvement/ Social Responsibility
Future endeavors
Can you say, Hello LIFE?
Lols. Not to worry as I am aware that many people out there are faced with the same everyday challenges that I am. The biggest problem is... can you guess it? TIME. That’s right folks it’s not just a magazine.

My biggest problem is managing Time. Managing my Money. And managing my Energy!

Arg! Difficult. So I will lay out my amazing views about all of those main points and be able to make them work with my time, money and energy. It’s a How to Stay Positive in an increasingly hectic world. And if you haven’t guessed by now that I am a woman, then you are in for a shock when I you come across topics of hair color and tampons. Sorry guys. Girls only.... lols not really but it’s definitely more chick oriented.
I am going to try and write daily, but please don’t get mad at me if some of my post are late. Remember folks, I am actually participating in this life experiment in order to bring some insight to everyday problems and questions. No more uneducated blabbering from how i feel and why I’m so weepy. Those defiantly are not helpful. Let’s stick to the more rational and logical sides of how I feel and why I am so weepy. Lol.

So dear reader feel free to discuss whatever the issue I put out there, no matter how opposing your view is.

Superwoman!

I got great great news. Stay tuned. Its gonna be a bumpy ride. I have discovered my super awesomeness. And I have realised that I got many questions that gotta be answered.

Right Now Im Running on hot chocolate and coconut butter aroma.

I feel great.

Ready for you world!

Any day!!!

Good Luck to my girlies with exams!

Love you lots.

You can do it!

Empowerment

I promised a list. Today I sat down and Wrote it. I wrote it on company paper. I Bolded the title " What I Envision"… ( Actually I spelt it Invision… Take that dyslexia!!!)


I looked at it once. I looked at it twice. I took a deep breath. Got up made coffee. Came back. Continued writing. Got up made more coffee. Then realized that 98% of things that I envision will only happen through my own hard work and dedication. 98% is not dependent on Luck or any other magical happenings, just on pure commitment and vision. The difficulty in all of that is conquering myself and my emotional roller coaster. I need to master my response to emotional conflicts in order to create a more positive outcome.

The life I want is within reach. I just have to stay focused.

Arg Need to pee again!

.... like really badly but i also just wanna write.... dont know which one will win... most likely the the bathroom. But anyhow i will begin and do this in two installments.

I have currently been thinking about my inner self more often these past few days. Instead of concentrating of how the world views me, I focus on how I view the world. What is it that makes us tick, why does the sunrise and the birds chirp? Why am I the way I am? What do I believe in? Why do I believe it? Do I follow my belief?  So many questions. I feel like I might have to choose a sunny day and take the day off to sit in the park and ponder my existence on this planet we call Earth.

... okay basic instinct winning over... gotta run...

Untitled

Sorry, I’ve been sick and Busy.
I kind of want to take this time to do an ahhh sound! Much better. Back to work today. Spring in the air. New road ahead. God i miss work. Is that pathetic? I think not. Just a bit overwhelming. I was having a conversation with my boyfriend yesterday about relationships and such and we were talking about a few of my girlfriends. Then the topic came up whether men and women want the same thing from a relationship... I got an instant 'No' on the phone. So what exactly do men and women want from each other? I’ve been thinking about this all day. Any Idea? Why is there a need to fall in love? Why do we do this? I fail to be comforted by the notion that its in our DNA and based on our survival instinct of reproduction. Sorry boys that theory doesn’t cut it. In fact a lot more people are opting for the Couple life with no little rugarats. So the need to pass on ones genes must not be that strong. I also fail to be comforted by the idea that we are just lonely...I mean I have girlfriends and family that provide enough love and attention when I need it. In fact I used to be with someone and felt just as isolated as I did without him, if not more. Is it the social influences on us that dictate that we need to be with someone in order to be happy and successful?
I have no idea. Why is it that I have fallen in love? What is it exactly that makes me happy about this person and why is there this uncontrollable need to build a relationship? What is it that I want from this? What does the other person look to gain in this? Are we moving towards the same thing? Should we discuss what our motives are towards each other? Should we not? Should I take the Laisse faire approach Or more proactive

Feel like my brain may over heat... too much to think about... okay no more thinking...

Still Me or Better?

I’ve been having mixed emotions about myself lately, with all that’s been changing and going on. Trying to get a clear picture of where I’m going and what I want. Sometimes I’m blissfully content of just being in the moment and other times I cannot help but trying to map out my future. I have been feeling a bit at a loss with myself these past few weeks. I feel like at one point I was working on myself as a human being and then I just stopped. Did I reach something? Why is there this odd pause in my life? I feel like I need to sit and rest but there is so much to do so much I want. I have recently been able to come to terms with my past and instead of completely rejecting it I have started to make amends and count my blessings. I have wished my ex a happy birthday this weekend which I feel is a pivotal sign of my growth. It got me thinking about who I used to be and who I am today. I am better. So much better than I was. Is this still me then? Myself is feeling a bit apprehensive about this new me. Although this new me has been making more of an appearance for months now I just haven’t really noticed. She’s been with me the whole time I just feel like I haven’t given her the time of day. I am so much more happy waking up with her. I feel like she is learning and growing in the direction that I want. She’s definitely more courageous then I ever thought I was. She faces problems head on. Makes lists, builds plans and executes her actions almost to the T. My feelings of this new self most likely have something to do with the approach of spring but still, any progress in the positive department is still progress no matter what the driving factor is (which can also be my sweet sweet honey). Now a list of projects will follow and I am sure this new and refined me will be able to handle it, but still keep the old funny antics without the childish drama.

P.S CANADA 14 GOLD… WAY TO GO!!!

Uplifting...

Work today is insane... i just looked at the clock and realised that its 12:30. OMG where does the time fly?
Sometimes busy is good. But i feel like i almost always have to have a big picture in the back of my mind otherwise i would get lost in the every day busyness of life and end up nowhere, with nothing to show for it. I caught up on sleep a couple of nights ago and boy does it feel good to sleep for a solid 11 hours. This is what I miss. I miss Sleep. Im gonna post my plan up on my blog as a recipe for a fuller day. Just gotta find the time. So much to do so little time. My honey took the day off. Lucky bum!!! Dam cant believe i had to wake up to all this snow in Toronto. What a bummer. But our caterers were on time even though I placed an order last minute ( aka this morning at 9).

Arg, I long for Summer days or at least a day off so I can enjoy this snowy weather. I wish I can get all bundled up. Pack a couple of thermos's with soup and hot chocolate, a couple of cheese sandwiches, and some trailmix delight and just go. Some wilderness would do me good at this time. As long as I dont forget an extra pair of socks and some warm blankets.

Ah what a day that would be.... Uplifting!

Days Yummies!!!

Today I thought I would do a little piece on Yummies.
Yummy Number One My Yummy Boyfriend text this morning.

I love you Cutie Pie.

Just thinking about how much I like you makes me happy.

YUMMY

We fought this weekend!!! I totally Hated that. Never will I raise my voice in frustration again. He is just way too good to me for me to do that. I LOVE HIM WITH EVERYTHING IN MY HEART. Yes I said it. I. LOVE. HIM. Sigh. He is definitely on my yummy list. I thank whatever force of nature that brought him to me, I am forever grateful.


Yummy Number Two.

Bamya Alich'a (Ethiopian-Style Okra)

Today, I have been a vegetarian for 2 weeks. It’s not been easy, especially since I was really great at eating meat and loved cooking. Now I have to satisfy my cooking craving and my belly. I found this recipe on The International Vegetarian Union website. Yeah, Wow, I didn’t know that one even existed. Amazing. Amazing. This is an Ethiopian dish. I will try this tonight. Yummy.

SERVES 4 -6


• 4 cups okra, trimmed and split lenthwise (seeded if mature)

• 1/4 cup olive oil

• 1 1/2 cups red onions, minced

• 2 cups tomatoes, peeled, seeded, and chopped

• 2 teaspoons garlic, minced

• 2 teaspoons ginger, minced

• 1/2 teaspoon cardamom, ground

• 2 jalapenos, minced

In a medium saucepan, heat oil. Cook onions until light brown. Add tomatoes and bring to a boil. Lower heat, and stir in garlic, ginger, and cardamon. Add the okra and cook, uncovered, for 20 minutes. Add chiles and cook five more minutes. Can be served hot or at room temperature. If you really don't like the texture from the okra, split the pods, soak overnight in water, and drain well before cooking. From "The Africa Cookbook".

http://www.ivu.org/recipes/african/bamya.html

Yummy Number Three.

CANADA TAKES GOLD IN FIGURE SKATING/ Cutes couple ever.

Who watched figure skating last night? I stayed up all night. The Bio on the Canadian team as well as their performance was absolutely heartwarming. 20 year old Tessa Virtue and 22 year old Scott Moir took gold after a flawless performance with a romantic plot line. She was dressed in a white dress and he was in a fashionable white dress shirt and black dress pants. Can you get anymore Romeo and Juliette? CANADA MELTED… and so did the rest of the world.

GOOD JOB. PROUD TO BE A CANADIAN

YUMMY

18 And Over...

What? I have to act like an adult now? Since when ? YOU CANT MAKE ME!!!!

BONOFIDE AND JUSTIFIED

When I make a decision, especially a difficult one, I have a habit of justifying it to myself no matter what. I can usually talk myself into something, but I always have difficulty talking myself into sticking to it. The great thing about this is that I have fabulous intuition about things and the fear of failure ( not that I don’t fail things). With that said I usually relay on the supernatural forces rather than the actual logical ones. When I make up my mind about something I then constantly end up searching for a sign that my decision was the right one. Such little signs can be as dumb as someone waving to me, or the sun rising ( even though that will happen no matter what) to someone telling me I am doing a good job. Now most will not see a problem with these type of justifications , but I feel that the older I get the more I look for these omens. Soon I’ll be mumbling bumbling to myself.

Screw that!

I am a screw up and I know it.

I screw up daily and I show it.

I make mistakes no matter how hard I try

Sometimes, because of them I cry.

I went through a phase where no matter what I did, I would always screw it up in some way. Purposeful sabotage. It was like I had a vendetta against myself. I would always do something so very dumb that it actually caused deep hurt and stress. Why did I do this to myself? I have no answer to that question. Instead, I have started in working on solutions to the problems I have created. Let me tell you, it’s so difficult to pick myself off of the floor and start again. I feel like I weigh 500 pounds. I feel like everyone is pointing and staring, and whispering things about me. I feel like people are rooting for me to fail. But I know those feelings are unjustifiable. I have people who love me. I have people who openly admit that they believe in me. Its only me that is so God dam unsure of myself. Its only me that stands in my way. Its only me that’s dragging me down. So where and when do I start the unraveling process?

Right Here, Right Now !

Slowly bit by bit. I will make my journey through this stormy sea of life. And instead of steering towards the rocks, I’m going steer away.

Let’s see what happens.

Vegetarianism... or Emotional Sorrow?

For years I have been striving to become a vegetarian, the problem with that is that I am a terribly great meat eater. But lately the idea of not eating little critters becomes more and more appealing, especially with my early morning drive to work. Why, might one ask? Well... there is a truck full of little pigs being driven in every morning on the Gardiner. They stare out with their cute noses and pink tails. They try and poke their heads out of the tiny breathing holes to take a look at the world around them. I often wonder whether they know where they are being taken, do they appreciate the scenery knowing that this truck ride would be their last. Do they have any regrets, or unfinished business on this earth. Have they always understood that they are being fed just to end up on someone’s table or are they blissfully unaware of their misfortune only to be optimistically positive of their good fortune of being feed every day. As silly as this train of thought sounds, it causes me to be more and more reluctant to eat meat. Every time my mother puts meat on the table my imagination goes bonkers and starts to taunt me that I am biting into flesh. It feels as though the meat is screaming at me not to be eaten. My vegetarian impulse is not due to any health benefits but to the horror of consuming something that at one point was born, had a mother, maybe even had a little family. Something that, even if primitive, was able to produce thought and emotions and associate things ( many psychologists and scientists may have a problem of my view of animals). I often think of my cat, who is able to understand when I upset with him, or tell him I am disappointed, who is able to distinguish when I need wet nose kisses without me saying anything, who knows when I am happy and who is able to convey when he is upset. I often think of my cats behavior years ago, when one of our neighbors died, he’s mourningful cries that week and his refusal to eat food. He walked around as though he was lost for weeks. My belief that animals are able to experience human emotions are usually solely based on my cat. Due to my first hand experience of animal sorrow, I often wonder what the pigs in the truck feel and think as they experience their last sunrise through the truck's tiny breathing holes.

Weekend LOVE AFFAIR

During the week I work and my weekend is the only time that I get to Enjoy being with my Honey. Need I say more?

Happy Monday Everyone!!!

Oh so not so Clever

Do you ever find that when you have something going on where you think to yourself oh how so clever am I that nobody knows only to be proven wrong that you are not so clever indeed?

That feeling sucks! With a vacuum seal of approval type of sucks!

Then you end up with all of these mixed emotions towards the thing that you thought you were all so clever about… major let down. Bury your head in the sand type of let down… run far far away type of let down. I feel like a fool type of let down. ICK! ICK! ICK! MAIS C’EST LA VIE!

When I get like that I often need to be reminded of why I thought I was so clever in the first place and what made that idea so amusing and truly wonderful. AH IDEALISTIC!

Although I leave work in a little while

My job isn’t done until I make you smile

I must be brief, but I’m not a cheater

Sometimes it’s true that shorter is sweeter

The main point that I want you to know

Is that you said “Yes” exactly one month ago

So thanks for making my dreams come true
And by the way – you look pretty in blue

- By Lovely Boyfriend

Backwards

I realized that I have lots of things to do. Both for work and personal. I also realize that my schedule is overwhelmingly busy. I realize that I am lazy. I realize that I am bored. I realize that to accomplish my tasks I need to buckle down. I realize that to reach my goals and deadlines I will need to rethink my priorities. I realize that I will lose lots of sleep over this. I realize I need to learn how to bend backwards and be more productive. I realize that my workload is insane. I realize that half of the workload is self imposed and due to my inability to sit still. I realize that I am tired. I realize that I need to grow up. I realize that I need to look to the future but not neglect the present.

Lovely butterflies

Was in my mailbox last thursday...

If there's one thing that I could see
It would be you lying next to me

If there's one thing that I could taste
It would be your delicious Tofu with "Paste"
If there's one thing that I could hear
It would be you nibbling on my ear


If there's one thing that I could smell
Well it'd be you, can't you tell?

If there's one thing that I could touch
It would be your body that I like so much

If there's one girl who I could take home
It would be the girl who's reading this poem

- By the Loveliest Man in the World

BOYFRIEND SWEETNESS

I checked my email this morning and I was brought to tears. I Love MY MAN! And yes I was crying at work. In Public. Full Tear drops Arg. Its things like this that make life incredible...

It might be by chance, it might just be fate

But one way or another, my girlfriend's really great

I smile in the morning, I smile at night

It's because of you that everything seems to go right

The time we spend together is truly unforgettable

Did I mention yet that I think you're incredible?

You're smart and fun and really great at cooking

It's pretty unbelievable that you're also this good looking

I can't believe that you came all the way overseas

But now that you're here, you better stick around. PLEASE?

What happens next, I'm really anxious to see.

But for now keep being you, cuz that really works for me.

           - By My Lovely Boyfriend

I think I can.. I think I can

Another Day, Another Set of Challenges. Today, we have investors coming in for the full day. Of course I am in charge of setting up for the meeting. I ordered pastries and fresh fruit from a different caterer yesterday and crossed my fingers and hoped that the food is awesome. This morning I got up and found snow dusted on the ground. DEEP Breath . It’s going to be okay! I quickly showered, then came out to check the time on my phone only to find the loveliest surprise. It reads

Good morning Love. I Love you.

Butterflies set in! I floated! I felt like I could conquer anything. I put on my makeup texted my cutie back and got into the car.

Another lovely text came in.
I dunno I think about you all the time. I’m just about to walk into work. I might text a little less but I still love you just as much as always. ( actually, a bit more every day).

Arg. I can’t resist.

Soon I was at work all butterflies and fluffy clouds. Sigh time to work. I set the board room up. The food arrived. It was as wonderful as my fluffy clouds. Better then the caterer I usually use. It was wrapped in pretty packaging. I also got a complimentary basket full of cookies and chocolate, which I eagerly shared with those around me. Then I started to think. If I can receive such positive outcomes from trying new caterers then why don’t I apply that concept to everyday life. I definitely will not be any worse off. The rewards will definitely be greater than the risks. This positive train of thought was for sure associated to my honey, but that’s not to say that my judgment is clouded but having someone to hold on to really does help. It helps a lot. Especially when that someone happens to be a genuine person. It makes me want to be better. Do the impossible! When I came across the ad above, I definitely associated that image with myself. The fact that the girl in the ad not only is able to bend herself more than humanly possible is amazing but the fact that she is able to do that while wearing heels that’s inspirational. From now on my mind set is going to be just that. I think I can… I Think I Can…I THINK I CAN. No matter what the obstacle is, I will reach my destination with grace and elegance. Whether I’m in heels, or without them, nothing to my young self is impossible anymore.

AH WOMENHOOD

I got home last night after being away from my family a few days only to find glow magazine on the coffee table. As I flipped open the glossy pages, I came across an article that breaks down moods into 4 weeks based on the monthly cycle. Tada!!! How easy!!! Now I can definitely keep my anger in check, just because some dumb article says once my weeks are identified, it should be no problem battling P M S. F U C K. U!!!

Really?

Like Really?

Do you think it’s that simple?

Hell No...

I have had mine since like forever and I still have no idea what to do with it. It seems that the older I get the worse my emotional unstableness gets. It doesn’t help that I feel like keeling over every gosh darn moment of it or the fact that I spazz out on anything that is male and moves. Arg... my poor new bf.!!! How do you explain to such a sweet man that I need to be confined in an asylum during that brief week or the week leading up to it. I feel like a time bomb that goes off every month. The uncertainty, the sadness, the anger, the guilt and resentment and the pain makes me look like a mad woman. On top of that emotional roller coaster, my heart seems to beat at even a more odd tempo then before and my doctor says that its fine if I am on the verge of passing out every 5 seconds. Or the fact that I want to barff into every ladies handbag I see. You know what I realized that all those people and magazine articles have one thing in common. MEN. THEY ARE ALL MEN!!! My doctor and the article writer. ARG, they give advice and think it’s that simple. Well if it was don’t you think, that in this day and age articles and advice like that would have become redundant?

HHMM?

Friday's Image

The More Life Style

   It takes a lot of effort to not fall apart these days, especially when running low on sleep. Maybe it's that time of the month for me though, when I feel teary and depressed but in a week it will be over? Maybe? I need to be more creative, more out there, more involved, more passionate, more inspired, more inspirational, more active and proactive, more loving, more caring, more fulfilled, I just need to be More. Where do people find this more? Was I supposed to make New Year’s Resolutions for this More thing? Where do I Start? Where do I go? Should I Start at the beginning and work to the end or with the end in mind and work to the beginning. Whatever it is I know that the things that I would need to include in my More Life Style.


1. Physical activity, be it running, rock-climbing, dancing or the occasional horizontal tango.

2. Creative output in the form of art. I love to sketch and create things with my hands. So just more of that. Maybe even some painting.

3. Intellectual stimulation. I know that I want to go back to school, but I want to learn about things that would challenge my thinking and inspire me. I want to learn as much as I can, not only in university. So my goal is to find a few mentors that will teach me about what they do. I will follow them around like a puppy and suck as much information from their brains as I can. I will surround myself with people that actually have something to say and contribute.

4. Spend as much time outside as possible. Pretty self-explanatory.

5. Learn to do things on my own. Always push myself outside my comfort zone.

6. Be more Caring in life. I want to help others so I must do some type of charity or volunteer work or something in my free time.

7. Spend more time with the people I love and care about. Constantly make sure that these people understand how grateful I am for them in my life.

8. Consciously spend time a little each day on building my future.

9. Be More Passionate. I haven’t figured this one out yet of how to achieve, but I want to lead a more passionate life.

10. Be More Positive and Happy. Actively work on my positive thinking. Create mantras, do workshops, and just daily remind myself of how lucky I am to be alive.

Those are my 10 areas of that I need to actively work on to Lead my More Life Style. Let’s see what happens. Fingers crossed. Hopefully PMS won’t get in my way… lols… take care.

Static and more static... Damn! Need to fix my tv

These past few days, I have been busier then a bee in a bee hive in the spring time. I know, thats quite busy, but after talking to my lovely boyfriend, I realised that what I lacked was progress. Sure, I have a great job, sure my boss loves me, sure I have great reviews but I feel thats all relative since I work hard why shouldn't I have those things. See, my lovely man is talking about promotions and moving forward and I do not have that option in my role, infact I feel a bit jelous that he gets to move forward eventually, whereas I would have to move on.
My only comfort in this thought is that I am still young and have my whole life ahead of me or at least thats what my sweet sugar lipped man says, but I can't help wondering where to from here? Everything is so static that it just bugs the hell out of me. I feel like I have been banging on the same TV screen trying to make it focus, but instead it gets me some telelatino show.
Come on Life WHATS NEXT?

Need TO PEE

FRANTICALLY NEED TO PEE BUT OH SOO LAZY AND SO MANY EMAILS TO WORK THROUGH. That is all dear reader.

Over-Worked and Satisfied

So, it’s only 9:40 at work and I already have 2 meetings set up for this morning all before lunch. Jeez. So much to do so little time. The only day I got to breath this whole week was yesterday. And guess what everyone. I loved it. Yes, That’s right I LOVE BEING WORKED TO THE BONE!!! Insane, eh? There is something so absolutely satisfying about getting things done daily that it’s almost like a rush of anxiety and anticipation and frustration all at once that creates this over whelming buzz of ecstasy. And when the day is done if I’m not doing something at night. I’m completely lost. For example yesterday to feel accomplished and good about myself I took on the gigantic task of taking down two Christmas trees in my house. I felt like I couldn’t go to bed if it didn’t get done. Am I a little obsessive compulsive? I think so. And yes our Christmas trees were still up. But I feel that there is nothing better in the world then being constantly busy. Makes life go by so much faster.

Sorry...

Sorry I havent been blogging, especially since this is a fairly new blog, but work has got me beat. So for now I will leave you with a very cute poem written by my sweetheart yesterday...

Before you leave your desk today

I had some things I wanted to say

You make me sing, you make me hum,

Particularly when I see your bum.

Your hotness today is off the chart

Everything you do just melts my heart,

And I'm sorry if my poems are sappy,

But I can't help that you make me Happy -

By this Anonymous Bloggers Boyfriend

Commitment

Recently I got into a realationship that I was so eagerly trying to avoid. Dont get me wrong, I adore the guy and could possibly see something long term, but for some reason this form of commitment has me running for the hills. It fills me up with anxiety, to the point of tears. Im not unhappy. Im just scared. It feels like I've been through this before, yet its somehow different. Theres no red flags, no warning signs, I dont feel like throwing something at the guy. Infact, I am so content with the whole situation that it scares the living daylights out of me. The funny thing is, I am not the only one who feels frightened. Ah the joy of having a guy who is well spoken and although does not nessarily show many emotions has the ability to speak about them once in a blue moon. Turns out I frighten him as well. So is this a fear of commitment to one another or something entirly different? When the question of being girlfriend and boyfriend came up, I was hesitant, not that i havent been commited to one person before but because this time I actually care not to screw it up.