Okay, Sociology studying is getting to me. Honestly. There is a lot of talk about human affiliation and with my Sociology of Religion course, questions that I haven't asked in years have resurfaced. Mainly on the subject of my own belonging to certain groups, and my ancestral claims. I know it shouldn't matter... but it does. In my family I have 2 dominant religions that vied for power even before I was born. Being the product of communism and having parents raised in that environment, I have been taught a great many things. Many opposing views are constantly battling one another for my attention, and on top of that I am a product of immigration and resocialization. Half of my school career was based on the public School Board Teachings ( this includes the Big Bang theory and Darwin's theory of evolution) and the other on the Catholic School Boards teachings ( God created the world in 7 days, and Jesus is the savior). My early childhood consisted of me, acknowledging my baptism into the Orthodox church against my mothers wishes, while at the same time understanding that my grandfather is a Jew and whether I like it or not I have blood ties to that clan and that way of life, so I was exposed to its culture by my mother. The atrocities of the Second World War were constantly discussed in my household and I was told never to reveal my families bloodlines for fear of prosecution. Holy Shit (and pardon the phrase) but was I a messed up child or what. It seemed that after the Western World combusted, I inherited pieces of everything at once. The shitty part is that aq`Orthodox Christians do not see me as one of them, Catholics reject me, and the Jews wouldn't even give me a second glance, its as though Abraham and Sarah have disowned me, themselves. Judaism is based on blood ties, and I know that just because someone botched up my baptism that doesn't mean that blood and DNA evaporates out of my veins, my grandfather and his family have faced the same prosecution, and he was even buried with the Star of David in his passport, so who the hell are you people to tell me that I don't belong. And yes, I have considered, as my mother has before me, to convert, but if I convert, that means that I become the "adoptive daughter" of Sarah and Abraham which is kind of silly and insulting, not only is it a step down from "daughter by blood", but aren't I already blood related so how can people who haven't walked on this earth for centuries, disown me like that ?
As far as Christianity goes, my indoctrination was not my choice, and although I keep to certain religious holidays, they by no means hold a significant status in my mind besides the fact that it brings the family together at the dinner table. And although it is laden with historical context, I by no means am proud of half of the actions carried out by the Church in the name of Our Lord. In fact I denounce violence in all its forms, hello Buddha!
So what am I to do? Forget my past as there is no way that my claim will ever be considered legitimate, neglect my present as it does not in anyway coincide with my own values and my idea of virtuous spirituality, and forge a new path ( at least for me, and my future offspring) that I have no idea to what end it might lead?
Talking to my immediate family on this matter doesn't seem to easy the tension, especially since they are so liberal and I am so stubborn. They would be happy for me no matter what... but would I? Where is the book of Answers when you need one? Help, Where do I fit in?
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